Alright folks I'm gonna talk about depression. Most likely you all have had it one time or another or maybe even now. Winter blues? Love lost? Loved one loss? Just not going your way?
I'm gonna tell ya about my years of depression. Not to brag in any way. I just want ya all to know I'm here for ya and I've been there more times than I'd like to admit.
I first got depressed when we moved from Wisconsin to Indiana at age 14. Tough time. Was a popular kid played football and other sports. Then we moved and suddenly I wasn't popular and man they grow kids big here in Indiana. Hated it. Got pushed, shoved, knocked down, made fun of etc. Well that's the easy part.
Then after I had my first real girlfriend I discovered self mutilation (or "cutting" or "cutter" etc.) Nevermind what your parents told you about the kid who was trying to draw attention to themselves by cutting. THIS IS NOT CORRECT!!! People who cut have problems with their anger. They don't know how to deal with it or act on it. (This is all experience) I myself would cut to "punish" myself. I felt like I had done something wrong. Usually after a break up. I first used a torn pop can to cut my arms. The ecstacy felt by cutting would make my heart ache disappear for the time I was cutting. I've used (in the past), glass, knives (dull and sharp), razor blades, nails, needles, broken mirrors, etc. and I would burn myself with cigarettes, candles, inscents, lighters, or whatever I could find. It started on my arms but soon went all over. My legs, my stomach, my throat, and even my face. I still have scars on my arms and legs. I was the guy who in 90 degree heat had long sleeves on cuz I didn't want people to see em. I wasn't trying to draw attention to myself. Not saying I didn't need it, but for me it was because I had what I thought failed myself beacause someone had rejected me.
So what I'm trying to do here is tell anyone who has this evil disease that its ok. We all go through things we don't want to. In time it shall pass. Do whatever makes YOU happy. As long as you're not hurting anyone. For me I changed my way of thinking and DO NOT listen to depressing music anymore. All that does is get you into a loop. Don't get me wrong one of my favorite bands is The Verve. But they are a depressing bunch! Great music but oh so depressing! Urban Hyms is in my opinion a masterpiece. But damn is it depressing!!! i don't listen to it anymore. Happy music such as Grateful Dead, The Recipe, Xavier Rudd, Bob Marley, etc. whoever makes you happy. I'm serious. Music can be an ancedote for alot!!! Also I started to read the Dali Lama's book "The Art of Happiness". Never finished it. I read a couple of chapters and it just clicked. You HAVE to change your way of thinking. You have to see the glass really is half full. instead of dwindling on whatever is making you depressed you have to tell yourself "at least this isn't happening" or "it could be worse". I have found in most circumstances that it really could be worse and a least you're alive. And that my friends brings us to suicide. Please don't! If you have ever known anyone who has commited suicide than you know how painful it is for the people who they left in this life to deal with. My stepmother who was the coolest lady in the world commited suicide in 2002. Always making people smile and givin anyone a shoulder to cry on. Not a day goes by my family doesn't wonder why she left us here all alone without her. What could we have done? And I would bet that if she could come back and do it all again she wouldn't have done it. To see how much she is missed and all those things she is missing. Just touching her daughters and grandkids would be enough not do it.
Now I still get depressed every now and then and once in a great while I think I should just off myself for whatever stupid reason and I have to say that it woud be the most selfish thing I could ever do. My family would be devastated and my brother would probably never be the same. Not to mention my dogs would probably grow old fast and die. Which is also a great subject to bring up. Studies have shown that people with pets live happier lives. And those who still get depressed have a quicker recovery time. i myself love my dogs company and anytime I'm down they make me smile with their love. Great companions!
Excersise also makes you happier. Sunlight does too.
I'm not saying I have all the answears but I will tell ya dealing with it for over 20 yrs I have found easier ways to deal with it then gettin tangled up in a web. WRITING is another way to deal with it.
SOOOOOO.... if you are depressed i can't think of a better sight that has so many loving people on it.
Drop me a line and we'll talk if ya need. I can't cure it but I usually can try and understand. Hopefully I can make ya laugh somehow. I'm serious. PLEASE DON'T FEEL ALL ALONE OUT THERE AND PLEASE DON'T DO ANYTHING TO HURT YOURSELF!!!! SENDING YOU ALL PEACE LOVE AND LIGHT!!! LOVING YOU!!!~~Good Energy

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Comment by Good Energy on April 11, 2009 at 12:30pm
Thanks hon! Just want anybody who is dealin with it to know I've been there and I love em so talk to me if they need an ear! Much Love!
Comment by Leslie Lou on April 11, 2009 at 11:28am
I just gotta say I'm so proud of you for posting this. I know it probably took a lot for you to share the painful experience.

Thank you for trusting and loving us enough to be so candid.

So much love for you,

Leslie Lou

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